I don't know, you know...

Today is one of those days that I don't know what to write about for this blog.  I'm still waiting patiently to be told I'm playing the role I want to be playing.  I picked up my guitar for the first time in weeks and exercised my fingers a little before going to see a friend's show at HB Studios.

It was a strange day.  It started out alright.  I felt decent and was looking forward to the day that was before me.  Then death struck the family of someone very dear to me.  I helplessly tried to be there for them and while doing so remembered this isn't about me, it's about being there for them and providing whatever it is that they need from me.  Sometimes, I forget to just be there for someone in need.  I don't have to find comforting words or try to make them laugh.  In fact, at times it is quite alright to just cry and let it out of your system.  Now that I think about it, I'm sure there are moments when just the presence of a friend is sufficient.  It's actually alright to not know what to say.

Work was... well, work.  Not in the sense that there was so much to do, but there wasn't anything exciting to write home about that happened today in the office.  It was just one of those days, you know... I don't know.  When I came home from work, I had a package and my Mom wanted me to open one of my Christmas gifts and I gladly obliged.  It was a watch!!!  She told me that now I have some time on my hands.  I love my Mom's humor.  In life we take a lot of things for granted and yours truly is guilty of that but I do not take laughs courtesy of San and/or Doug for granted.  However, when it comes to taking little-big things for granted, I am the pot calling the kettle black.  I take for granted that I'm able to effortlessly dress myself in the morning and actually physically function without worry or strain.  I take for granted that when I put one foot in front of the other, the surface on which I'm walking will support my next step.  I even take for granted that I can read and write and type this blog.  There is someone somewhere in this world who can do neither of those things without some one's help.

I don't know, you know... maybe I don't take those things for granted.  Maybe I just have faith and a strong belief in God.  I know God is inside of me so I have that same faith and the same maximum strength of belief in myself.  That's not to say I think I'm God.  Zealots, you may relax and have a seat.  Please don't hit me with scriptures because even though I'm not religious, I'm spiritual and well versed in the good book.  Passages taken out of context, leave me SMH at some of the righteous folk in this world.  I don't know, you know... fear based religion just never did anything for me.  If God is Love then to me, that means that NO MATTER WHAT I DO, he/she will Love me because he is Love and is in me since we were created in his/her image.  Too often we attempt to give God human qualities to try to better understand him/her but end up just confusing ourselves.  "If you do this or you do that, then God will be angry and punish you and not let you into heaven and you'll go to hell..." Wait, so God is/was only as great as the imagination of the authors of the Bible and NOT the all seeing, all knowing, ever present force that created all things and most importantly...NOT Love?  You've gotta be shitting me!  None of us know, right?  Especially our NOT being God cements the fact that we don't know what we don't know.  Ha ha let me stop before some of you get all upset when it's not even that deep.

I don't know, you know... I feel good, I had a good day and am blessed.  I know this for a fact!  Yeah (C-Jump)!  I never question that.  Today is just one of those days that the thoughts are there, the wheels and gears are turning in my head, I'm just not as eloquent as in my "better days".  Which in my opinion is great!  It's wonderful.  It is full of wonder because it isn't like I've exhausted my vocabulary.  I'm just having one of those days where... I don't know... you know?